lesson 52

   My cousin, Harry, keeps a large curiously
shaped bottle on permanent display in
his study. Despite the fact that the bottle
is tinted a delicate shade of green, an
observant visitor would soon notice that
it is filled with what looks like a thick
greyish substance. If you were to ask
Harry what was in the bottle, he would
tell you that it contained perfumed mud.
If you expressed doubt or surprise, he
would immediately invite you to smell it
and then to rub some into your skin. This
brief experiment would dispel any further
doubts you might entertain. The bottle
really does contain perfumed mud. How
Harry came into the possession of this
outlandish stuff makes an interesting story which he is fond of relating. Further-
more, the acquisition of this bottle cured him of a bad habit he had been
developing for years.
Harry used to consider it a great joke to go into expensive cosmetic shops and
make outrageous requests for goods that do not exist. He would invent fanciful
names on the spot. On entering a shop, he would ask for a new perfume called
'Scented Shadow' or for 'insoluble bath cubes'. If a shop girl told him she had
not heard of it, he would pretend to be considerably put out. He loved to be told
that one of his imaginary products was temporarily out of stock and he would
faithfully promise to call again at some future date, but of course he never did.
How Harry managed to keep a straight face during these performances is quite
beyond me.
Harry does not need to be prompted to explain how he bought his precious
bottle of mud. One day, he went to an exclusive shop in London and asked for
'Myrolite'. The shop assistant looked puzzled and Harry repeated the word,
slowly stressing each syllable. When the girl shook her head in bewilderment,
Harry went on to explain that 'myrolite' was a hard, amber-like substance
which could be used to remove freckles. This explanation evidently conveyed
something to the girl who searched shelf after shelf. She produced all sorts of
weird concoctions, but none of them met with Harry's requirements. When
Harry put on his act of being mildly annoyed, the girl promised to order some
for him. Intoxicated by his success, Harry then asked for perfumed mud. He
expected the girl to look at him in blank astonishment. However, it was his turn
to be surprised, for the girl's eyes immediately lit up and she 'fetched several
botties which she placed on the counter for Harry to inspect. For once, Harry
had to admit defeat. He picked up what seemed to be the smallest bottle and
discreetly asked the price. He was glad to get away with a mere five guineas and
he beat a hasty retreat, clutching the precious bottle under his arm. From then
on, Harry decided that this little game he had invented might prove to be
expensive. The curious bottle which now adorns the bookcase in his study was
his first and last purchase of rare cosmetics.